The author, speaker, and family caregiver on aging successfully, new options for housing later in life, navigating family relationships, and more.
Our guest on the podcast today is Joy Loverde. Joy is the author of Who Will Take Care Of Me When I’m Old? and The Complete Eldercare Planner. She also gives keynotes and workshops on aging and eldercare to many different types of organizations. In addition, she serves as a consultant to senior housing providers, HR professionals, attorneys, financial planners, clergy, and other members of the eldercare industry. She has also been a family caregiver to family and friends.
Who Will Take Care of Me When I’m Old? Plan Now to Safeguard Your Health and Happiness in Old Age
“'Aging in Place Has a Shelf Life’: What This Eldercare Expert Wants You to Know,” by Beth Pinsker, marketwatch.com, Oct. 28, 2023.
“Preparing Solo Agers to Receive Long-Term Care,” by Joy Loverde, generations.asaging.org, June 21, 2023.
“How to Manage Sibling Conflict Over Care of Elderly Parents,” by Elaine K. Howley, health.usnews.com, Feb. 5, 2025.
“Going Solo: How to Plan for Retirement When You’re on Your Own,” by Diane Harris, nytimes.com, July 20, 2025.
“Create a Life of Independence and Connection in Later Years,” seattletimes.com, June 30, 2025.
My Mother’s Money: A Guide to Financial Caregiving, by Beth Pinsker
“Beth Pinsker: Lessons From ‘My Mother’s Money,’” The Long View podcast, Morningstar.com, Nov. 4, 2025.
(Please stay tuned for important disclosure information at the conclusion of this episode.)
Amy Arnott: Hi and welcome to The Long View. I’m Amy Arnott, portfolio strategist for Morningstar.
Christine Benz: And I’m Christine Benz, director of personal finance and retirement planning for Morningstar.
Arnott: Our guest on the podcast today is Joy Loverde. Joy is the author of Who Will Take Care Of Me When I’m Old? and The Complete Eldercare Planner. She also gives keynotes and workshops on aging and eldercare to many different types of organizations. In addition, she serves as a consultant to senior housing providers, HR professionals, attorneys, financial planners, clergy, and other members of the eldercare industry. She has also been a family caregiver to family and friends.
Joy, welcome to The Long View.
Joy Loverde: Thank you so much.
Arnott: Well, we’re happy to have you here. So, we wanted to focus most of our time talking about your two books, The Complete Eldercare Planner and Who Will Take Care of Me When I’m Old? But we wanted to spend a little time first talking about your background. You write that you’ve been a family caregiver most of your adult life and have spent time taking care of your parents as well as friends. What were some of the things that you learned from that journey?
Loverde: Well, not only have I been a caregiver most of my life, but I have also been on the road for over 45 years talking to family caregivers. And collectively, I have started to see a theme. And the most important one right now is the fact that the people who are attending these programs of mine are not only family caregivers, but explaining to me that they are wondering who is going to do that for them. So, the whole conversation about family caregiving is actually evolving. It’s no longer I’m going to take care of somebody. It’s also who is going to take care of me.
Benz: We wanted to just spend a few moments on your background, Joy. You had a successful career working in advertising in Chicago for about 20 years. What made you decide to pivot and spend more time writing and giving speeches and workshops on the topic of eldercare?
Loverde: Well, actually, I became my own client after I saw the need for people to plan for eldercare. And that visual happened when I was in high school, actually, when I went to a nursing home on Thanksgiving morning. I went to an all-girls Catholic high school here in Chicago, and I was asked to volunteer. And when we got to the nursing home—this is back in the late ‘60s—everybody who was in the nursing home, I was surprised. Where are these people’s family and so on? And so, I was compelled to continue to visit nursing homes in an effort to lighten things up on this day of thanks.
But I realized that that wasn’t getting me anywhere. So, when I was about 40, and yes, I was working at J. Walter Thompson here in Chicago, I saw that if I would just create some kind of communication system, which ended up being the first edition of The Complete Eldercare Planner, that I could just get families to talk to each other. And that is indeed what has taken place way back since the 1980s now.
Arnott: So, you mentioned The Complete Eldercare Planner, which was your first book that was published back in 1993. And I think there are a total of four editions of that book. I’m curious. What was the impetus for publishing Who Will Take Care Of Me When I’m Old? which speaks more directly to individuals who are aging, in 2017?
Loverde: Well, actually, again, standing in front of rooms for the people, family caregivers, they would come up to me afterward and they would say, “I’m doing this for my parents and grandparents and relatives, but I don’t know who is going to do this for me.” And this was my marketing background kicked in once again, my communication background, and I said, I need to write about this. So that happened about 13 years ago. And I saw that people who live alone was going to be an entirely new category of people who needed assistance as they aged.
Benz: So, to set the stage for thinking about aging and a plan for aging, you think it’s helpful to do kind of a vision board of what aging successfully looks like to you or you’re visualizing your future self, which we know people have trouble doing, especially if they’re younger, and making a list of what you like most about yourself and presumably features that you want to keep going throughout your whole life. Can you talk about why taking steps like that can be helpful? And it seems like a benefit is that it puts a positive spin on what can seem like kind of a sad and depressing topic.
Loverde: Right. There are all these myths that are floating around in the world about what it means to age, right? And we only have what advertising tells us are all the pharmaceutical ads in the news and in the media. So, what I had suggested in the book was to talk about the concept of time travel. And what that means is looking around you and seeing who is in your immediate space, people who are hopefully 20 and 30 years older than you and approaching them under certain circumstances. Maybe you’re at a wedding or maybe you’re in a social situation where you can ask them, “Hi, I’d like to get to know more about you. What is it that you are doing in your age now that is making you happy? Or is there anything you would have done differently as you aged?”
The concept of time travel is actually communicating with people who are way older than us to give us hints as to what it might be like. So, in that process, what’s going to happen is you are going to see people who are not doing so well. And at the same time, you’re going to be right smack dab, face to face with people who are aging full out, running marathons, living a healthy life, working far into their old age. This is what’s missing in the process of planning. And that’s why I introduced time travel as a way to get to know yourself in the future.
Arnott: I also wanted to ask about health issues that can sometimes come up as we get older or even during middle age. One of your friends was diagnosed with early onset Parkinson’s. And I’m wondering what are some steps people can take if they’re faced with either a similar health issue or a different type of health issue that might be very difficult to deal with?
Loverde: Well, I love your question because it has a real quick answer. If you are diagnosed and have no plans in place, then unfortunately, it may be too late to have exactly what you want, which goes back to the process of, or the question rather, of when do we start planning? When we are faced with a diagnosis, let’s say of Alzheimer’s or Parkinson’s, something that is chronic, people don’t realize how very expensive these diseases will be and how it will wreak havoc on our financial stability. So, it isn’t a matter of when we’re diagnosed, what can we do? We need to think way, way in advance so that if this happens, then I have my legal documents in order, and I have my financial house in place. We have to assume that there will be certain things that we need to plan for far in advance. Unfortunately, I see so many situations where people say, I never thought it would happen to me. And then they’re behind the eight ball the whole way, including who is going to take care of them.
Benz: So, I just want to fill in a little bit about your story, Joy. Can you talk about your caregiving journey because that sounds like it was such an important influence in why you are passionate about educating people about this topic? Can you share a little bit about that?
Loverde: Sure. Being Italian, we have old people in our lives all the time. It’s not unusual. And so, I have many role models for caregiving: my grandmother and my mother and aunts and uncles. So, it really surprised me when I was meeting people along the way who did not have these experiences of having older people or close relationships in their lives. It was not unusual for all of us to live in the same apartment building and take a three-flat and we all moved in.
But this is not how America works anymore. And so, my personal caregiving experience is having a lot of role models and many positive experiences. Being together for holidays, celebrations, the food and the music going on for no particular reason other than we’re together. I found out from friends of mine that this is not how their families work, and it saddened me so. And so that was another reason for me trying to get families together to start communicating.
Arnott: So, you mentioned that if you are someone who is a family caregiver, you’re presented with a vision of your own mortality. And the book also mentions that people often feel both extremely loving toward the person who needs care, but also angry about being put in the situation of caregiving and all of the additional stress and labor that it involves. How can people navigate those types of emotional issues?
Loverde: They have to have a safe place to go to, to talk and to express their honest feelings. Therapy, I couldn’t get through much of my caregiving without therapy because the relationships could get fractured and communication lines can be shut down at any given time. It is a highly emotional experience for everyone, the caregiver and the care receiver. So, it’s normal. Human nature kicks in when we look at the person that we are there for and they’re yelling at us. And what do we to do?
There are so many emotions at any given time, and they come out of left field all the time. And there is no way that I could ever experience the positive aspects of my caregiving without having someone professional to talk to and then good friends where I could go to my friends and tell them exactly how I feel, and they will not judge me.
Benz: So, it sounds like a support network is essential. Your book, The Complete Eldercare Planner also discusses setting boundaries for caregivers so that they don’t get overextended. What are some of your suggestions for the best ways to do that if you are in a caregiving role, how to ensure that it doesn’t completely subsume your life?
Loverde: Communication is key when it comes to not only having caregiving overwhelm our lives, but it also helps prevent burnout. People who say yes to every whim that people ask us, well, we say, sure, I can do that. So, number one, we have to set boundaries, and we set it by communicating clearly and not being afraid to communicate clearly. It also has to do with expressing ourselves in terms of our needs. We could say possibly to siblings, dad needs to go to the doctor. He needs to go next week, which day are you available? Not, will you take him, but I’m going to give you a choice.
The same thing for our elders. When they ask us, “Joy, can you run me to the grocery store?” And I say, “I’m sorry, I can’t, but maybe”—and then I would name all my siblings—“maybe Jimmy and Caroline, Peter and Linda can help you.” So, it’s all about communicating clearly, but that’s not always easy because we get afraid. We’re afraid of what might happen. So, we have to we have to be the brave person in the room and communicate as best we can and be very clear about our own needs.
Benz: It seems like part of the issue, too, is that you want to come through this experience with a good relationship with your siblings, right? That you don’t want to end up in a really fraught situation with them. And so, it does seem like there’s a risk if you’re saying, oh, take dad next Tuesday or something, that it could start setting up tensions and you really do want to preserve your relationships with your siblings, right?
Loverde: This is such an important topic because our siblings are not on the same page. So how do we do that? We need to ask questions of them. There are times when we may ask our siblings for help and a sibling may say, “Mom doesn’t need help. You’re making it up. She doesn’t need help. She’s fine.” So, we have siblings who are in total denial of any help that is needed. And other siblings who simply say, “You’re the girl in the family, you do it. You wrote a book about eldercare, you do it.” What?
So, the first thing, if we have siblings, if we’re lucky enough to have siblings in a caregiving situation, the first thing you need to do is have a family meeting and get it all out in the open. The good, the bad, and the ugly. And there has to be rules about the family meeting so no one is beating up on somebody else. And I have a very long list of how to create a real healthy family meeting, and you don’t have just one. You have as many as you need be. And by the way, the parents are not invited.
Arnott: Yeah, so I hate to engage in gender stereotypes, but just in talking to some of my friends, it does seem like sometimes there’s a pattern where male adult children seem to be either less aware of what is involved in caregiving. Or maybe there’s a little bit of denial and kind of a disproportionate burden ends up landing on the daughters of the family and often the eldest daughter. What do you think is behind that? Is it, it just the assumption that women should be the caregivers because that’s a traditional role?
Loverde: Absolutely. This is historical. The woman’s place, what are our roles? Now, who is going to help us with that if that’s not what we want? No one. We must assert ourselves as equal partners in this situation. And if we don’t, shame on us.
Arnott: I would imagine that it could also be valuable for male adult children to have an opportunity to spend more time with their parents as they get older and not miss out on that experience.
Loverde: It is quite an incredible experience. There’s no doubt about it. And so, encouraging our brothers and other males in our family to be present is also one of the things that I do. And they light up a lot of times when they realize that there are some seriously wonderful relationships to nurture at this time. So, yes, I tread lightly when I go forward and encourage the males to participate. And once they do, they find out that it is one of the most rewarding experiences they’ve ever had.
Benz: You look at aging through a number of lenses—the eldercare aspect of it, as well as setting ourselves up to age successfully. So I wanted to talk about some dimensions of that as we all look forward to our later years. Can we talk about housing, which is a focus of yours, starting with continuing-care retirement communities, which have become an increasingly popular option for older adults as they’re thinking about their housing later in life.
Loverde: I think that housing is the number one issue. When people say to me, where do I start? I say, where you live matters. And why it matters where we live is because it’s all about an informal network of help. And we all know that the care working crisis—it is just moving forward faster than the speed of light. And that more and more people are becoming unavailable to help us. And we will depend more and more on our friends and our neighbors. So, where we live has everything to do with someone having immediate access to us and also, we have forged relationships. So, it’s a process that takes time. And right now, if you’re sitting in your own house, all alone in a neighborhood where it requires you to get in a car and go somewhere, and people don’t knock on your door, and you’re not in a community environment, that is a setup for failure for the aging process.
Oh, unless of course you have tons of money to bring people in to help with services. But as I mentioned a few minutes ago, those people who are going to be helping us are going by the wayside. So, where we live is super important. And you mentioned continuing-care communities. They are now referred to as life-plan communities where people go in healthy, live independently and stay there for the rest of their lives and have wonderful relationships. Someone to always rely on no matter what.
Arnott: A lot of older adults have a very strong desire to stay in their own homes. And I’m wondering what are some of the challenges of aging in place. You mentioned if you are isolated, that can be a big problem. But are there steps elders can take to have a more positive experience if they have a strong desire not to move to a community-based facility?
Loverde: It definitely can be a positive experience if you have time to forge relationships, if you have a lot of money to pay for services, and you have designated other people to manage the process. For example, if you do have people coming in, and let’s say you get more forgetful or you are diagnosed with dementia or Alzheimer’s, who is going to manage the staff? Who is going to manage the people coming in and out? What’s the safety factor here? Technology is also going to play a very important part in staying home, aging in place. What happens if the internet goes down? What if the technology is not up to date? Who is going to manage technology? Another focus of aging in place that nobody ever thinks about is nutrition. The idea of aging in place has to do with staying healthy. So, if you’re healthy, great, but that requires eating right and exercising. Because nobody ever says we have to fall apart when we get old, right? You can be healthy. You can eat right. You can have a high quality of life. And one of those days you never wake up, game over. But aging in place requires a diligence that is constant until you decide, no, this is too hard. I need to put myself more in a community setting. Like I said, it’s not an impossible task. However, it has a shelf life and it’s very difficult.
Benz: You talk about a number of different care settings in the book, including assisted living. And you write that they can be disempowering because one of the challenges is the daily relentless exposure to, in your words, despair, disease, dementia, dying, and death. So how can people mitigate the negative impact of this exposure, avoid getting depressed if they’re in this situation? And I’d also like you to address, Joy, the fact that family may pull back a little bit if they know that you are fully cared for in this setting, that your basic needs are being met, they may be a little less engaged with you. So, can you talk about that?
Loverde: The first part of your question about how do you live in that kind of environment where the truth of the matter is people are not so healthy. Well, the good news is, I have had over 40 years of going all over the country, in fact, all over the world. And I have seen for myself excellent assisted living communities. We have one here in Chicago that’s in Clarendon Hills called the Birches. There are assisted living communities that are excellent. And they also have therapists, and they have spiritual programs, and they have a family environment that helps us in the midst of that kind of truthful home situation. So, number one, you really have to do your homework and look around for assisted living communities that are not ignoring the residents’ needs.
The second part about families not visiting so much is absolutely true, unfortunately, which means all our lives, we must be diligent about creating our own needs. Family could go away at any given time, and they do. Especially in this day and age, family estrangement has been skyrocketing. And the reason is because of social media. So, articles coming out in newspapers and magazines about, hey, daughters and sons, if you don’t want to take care of your parents, it’s OK, say goodbye. And there are books coming out that say how to separate from your parents. I mean, this is a serious problem in America, how the family is disengaging, and social media is playing a big part.
So, whether you’re living at home or whether you’re living in assisted living, know for a fact that family members do not expect to be taken advantage of in any given way. I talk about this in my presentations. I tell the people in the room, please do your homework and understand how much stress your adult children are under, raising children in this environment working full time and thinking about you. All of this is in the mix. You must prepare so that you don’t lean on them unless they’re totally fine with it. So, there’s a certain amount of respect of the adult child that I also am adamant about.
Arnott: It seems like it goes back to open communication on both sides where if you’re the aging parent, you want to be able to tell your children what you need and if you would like them to visit more often. But also, if you’re the adult child, you want to be able to communicate with your parents what else is going on with your life and try to find the middle ground.
Loverde: Oh yeah, the family has changed dramatically in the past 15 years. A lot of it has to do with people living longer. So, you have people who are living 90, 100, no big deal anymore, right? And the adult child now can be 70 and even 80 years old. How about that?
Arnott: So, you could have the parents and the child both aging at the same time.
Loverde: Correct. Yes, I’ve seen a lot of adult children visit the life-plan communities together with the intention of moving in together. And they’re both over 65.
Arnott: You also write about some less traditional housing options such as naturally occurring retirement communities or the village-to-village network. Are there any other kind of creative approaches to senior housing that seem promising to you?
Loverde: Well, one really interesting concept is one where there is a company in Scottsdale, Arizona that has a template. So, if you gather seven of your rich friends, if you have friends who have money, you can go to this company and you can say, OK, we want to set up our own assisted living community. And then this company helps seven friends set up their own house, including purchasing a house, a single-family dwelling. And then people all move in that know each other and they have enough money to sustain and pay the staff and go nine yards. How’s that? So, you buy your own assisted living community. That’s one real creative idea.
Arnott: Yeah, like a more structured approach to The Golden Girls.
Loverde: Exactly. Only this time your nurse is right in the next room.
So that’s one fun thing that I’ve learned about. Definitely people are taking it upon themselves to create their own home environment. But like I said, it’s no different, just because you get three friends to move in with you, you’re still aging in place and eventually that whole system falls apart. If you get sick, somebody has to move, somebody dies, can’t find help. It’s a problem. So, I’m a real believer.
Now I live in a NORC, the Naturally Occurring Retirement Community. So, I live in a big high rise in Chicago. And we definitely have a solid system of informal network of support. I’ve helped facilitate with families the deaths of neighbors, and they were surrounded by loved ones, including me, and food and everything that is needed to help someone transition to a peaceful and dignified death. And that’s what happens here in my apartment building. But we have a lot of young people and dogs. And so, we have all generations. Unfortunately, you can’t hang the sign up, that says, “we’re a naturally occurring retirement committee,” because it’s young and old.
Benz: Well, that’s what I wanted to ask, Joy. Did you know it was that when you moved in there or did it just sort of evolve that way?
Loverde: It evolved. All of the apartment buildings here in the old town area are evolving into NORCs because we love where we live. And people are getting older, and we don’t need a car, and the grocery store is down the street. So, the whole neighborhood is evolving. But one of the neighborhoods here in Chicago that has always been a NORC-concentrated apartment buildings is on Sheridan Road, going toward Loyola, as many of those apartment buildings have been NORCs for a long time, only they didn’t know it.
Benz: I wanted to ask about solo agers. About a third of Americans between the ages of 45 and 63 are aging alone without a spouse or close family member. What steps would you advise people to take if they’re in that position of being a solo ager?
Loverde: Well, there are three things and in this order. People who live alone need to make sure that they are financially secure. So, they need to go to financial planners, wealth managers, and make sure they have enough money because this is the population of people who will rely heavily on professional advisors like financial planners, lawyers, geriatric case managers, and so on. The use of professionals will cost money. So, number one is money.
Number two, housing. They are wise to get themselves in a community setting as we just described. And number three, they’ve got to get their legal papers in order. Who is going to make their decisions? What if they have no one? How do they do that? So legal documents must be put in order. Power of attorney for healthcare, power of attorney for finances, and also any special instructions, living wills, and so on. So, it’s three: money, housing, legal documents.
Arnott: So related to the topic of living wills, you recommend working with an attorney to add an Alzheimer’s provision to your living will. Can you talk more about what that provision might cover and why it can be helpful?
Loverde: Sure. Once you are diagnosed with Alzheimer’s, your signing documents days are over. So, all of this has to be done ahead of time. You can make decisions, you can put it in writing about where you want to live and how your finances will be taken care of. It all has to be in writing, including the use of organizations that are in the neighborhood that will be available. So, there’s a lot of work to be done with an Alzheimer’s provision, add on to our wills, but it’s well worth the time. It describes what you will and will not have done because at some point you may not be able to communicate your wishes. So, it has to be clearly in the event that I am diagnosed with Alzheimer’s, these are my wishes and keep it as an addendum to your will.
Benz: Sticking with the sunny topics here, I wanted to ask about hospice. What people should look for in a hospice program if they have a loved one who is approaching the end of life. I remember that situation with my parents where you really are flying blind. And so, you are very reliant on whoever is giving you instruction. And I guess it depends on capacity for the hospice as well. But can you talk about that? What should people be looking for?
Loverde: People don’t even realize there is bad hospice and good hospice. A bad hospice is when they don’t provide support, or they are unfamiliar with the dying process which happens. We had somebody come in from a hospice and my mother-in-law was dying. And she took one look at my mother-in-law and then walked out the door. She said, “I’m not getting paid for this.” So we went, OK, wrong hospice.
So, the first thing to do is get a referral from the doctor’s office, medical team at the doctor’s office, or the hospital. Those are two reliable sources. But don’t just talk to one hospice organization. Make sure you at least vet three.
Also, people need to know that there’s medical equipment that could be provided by the hospice organization that is covered by Medicare. At least it is right now. And so, one of the questions to ask would be, will you bring in a hospital bed? Will you provide the medications? And how often will you visit? And what’s the procedure when we no longer can see the person being alive very much longer? Like you want to dig in, and of course I offer all that kind of information in the books.
Benz: You mentioned to gather information from a few different hospice providers, but what are you looking for? You’re probably handed a few brochures and it’s really hard to know what differentiates them.
Loverde: You need to have them come to the house and to interview them. You need to have a gut feeling for them, but it only goes so far. You still have to have references. You still have to have a good referral because hospice is a business, and you also need to make sure, of course, that it is covered by Medicare for the generation of people who qualify for Medicare. And if the person is younger, then you have to find out what is the payment system, what’s that all about. Basically, that’s why we always talk to at least three providers.
Arnott: Another caregiving option for helping people make the transition toward the end of life is a death doula. And I think a lot of people are probably familiar with doulas who help with childbirth, but maybe not as familiar with death doulas. Can you talk a little bit about what type of support those caregivers can provide?
Loverde: Well, a death doula is indeed as it sounds—someone who helps you and the family through the process of dying and death, someone who can become a support network for everyone involved. And this person can also make recommendations on music for the dying process. Anything to do with elevating the dignity and the respect of the dying process, the doula is that point person.
Now, this person is not free and not available through Medicare. This is someone that we hire, but they are worth their weight in gold. They’re incredibly compassionate people who could come in at a time when we all need them the most.
Benz: You’re a big believer in speaking candidly about death. We’re hearing from you just now about these various phases toward the end of life. You write in the book about Father Thomas Fisher, who was a pastor at your Catholic school. He was one of your favorite teachers and died in a plane crash at age 27. You write that many of the teachers and other adults at the school tried to avoid upsetting the children by talking about his death. Can you talk about why you think throughout our lives it’s helpful to talk about death and share feelings about it?
Loverde: It’s certainly a cultural thing. In our culture, we hide death around a dark corner and not everyone does that, though. Especially with children nowadays who have grandparents who are young and vital, and then the grandchildren and the grandparents grow together and then they see possible changes with the grandparent. And the parents of the children now have a tendency, or hopefully they do, to keep the relationship going and assist the child with the changes of the grandparent. And that’s one of the benefits of this longevity evolution that’s happening as we can keep it together. The obvious importance is the relationships between children and older members of the family. There’s no downside whatsoever. But as I mentioned in the book, people are so afraid of death, and they even go so far as to keep a child away from the funeral or the wake. And I think that’s a big mistake.
Arnott: I also wanted to circle back to the whole topic of getting help if you’re in a caregiving role. When does it make sense to hire someone who can help you manage that process? They used to be called geriatric care managers. I think they’re now known as life care managers.
Loverde: We know that relationships take a long time. And so, we have to anticipate that we’re going to find people that are not suited for us. But the only way we find that out is by testing it. I always encourage people who are interested in hiring aging life plan professionals and others like lawyers, financial planners, anyone who we are going to eventually hire is we have to establish these relationships while we have the mental capacity to do so. And then we have to test those relationships. How are you going to be there for me? What happens if I can’t make a phone call and what’s the system we’re going to establish so that you know I might need help? All of these things have to be done far in advance of when we actually do need the help, especially for people who are living alone and that they are relying on professionals to come to their beck and call.
Benz: In your book, The Complete Eldercare Planner, you discuss some advances in technology that can help people as they age. You talk about floor model, AI-powered robotic companions, intuition robots, robotic walkers, animatronic pets. But is there a disconnect between how quickly technology is advancing and how willing people might be to start interacting with some of these technologies?
Loverde: Sure. Some of the younger elders are loving the robotics and taking full advantage of them, but many are not. So, I go back to just see if your parents are willing to get a smartphone. Start there. So, a smartphone is different than a regular phone. We all know that there are apps on there that will save their lives. We know that there are systems in place like “Find My” and all of the above that will help a person stay connected in a technology way.
So yeah, there’s robots and all these wonderful, fun gizmos out there, but it’s farfetched to think that most people will latch on to them. And I’m not a believer of technology taking over caregiving anyway. So, what happens is I just usually start slowly and introduce the idea of a smartphone to someone who is afraid of technology or doesn’t want to have anything to do with it. Or even an iPad that’s a little bigger and easier to navigate. Just see if you can get that far. And if you do, great. Then you’re on your way. And the robotics can be left for somebody else who is more adventurous.
Arnott: And I would think that navigating technology could also be an opportunity for grandparents to spend more time with their grandchildren who could probably help them figure out the smartphone or how to use different apps and things like that.
Loverde: Right. It’s certainly no replacement for people actually being in person. And I always encourage that. Like I know the FaceTime and all that. That’s all wonderful, but we all have to get on airplanes if we have to and get in the car and be together.
Arnott: So, in Who Will Take Care Of Me When I’m Old? at the end of each chapter, you include a list of different resources, including websites, movies, books, other resources that people might want to read related to aging and care later in life. Are there any books that you’d put at the top of your must-read list?
Loverde: There’s a book that just came out by a woman who is a financial columnist. Her name is Beth Pinsker. And she just came out with a book called My Mother’s Money. And it’s a guide for caregiving and managing money for parents. And I love her approach. It’s written in a way that we can all understand, the need and also the approach to managing money financially, successfully, and longevity paying for a longer life. So, it’s got everything in it. It just came out this week.
Arnott: Yeah, Christine and I actually interviewed her for the podcast, and both of us really enjoyed reading that book. Yeah, it chronicles her actual experiences helping her mom. So, it has a lot of practical information, but you also get to see the emotional side of what she went through.
Loverde: Right. And she did go through a lot. And people who read that book will find out, oh my goodness, I’m not alone. She made it real.
Benz: What movies stand out in your mind, Joy, as being especially realistic depictions of aging?
Loverde: I love when there are movies about siblings who are arguing and trying to negotiate their parents as they age. Those are the movies that are so realistic and help us all understand that this is so difficult. And yet when we feel the emotions through someone else’s experience in a movie, it helps us calm down. So, there are several movies that have these family relationships. I just can’t think of any of the names right now, but those are my go-to movies. And I cry a lot.
Arnott: So, in the book, you also include a lot of different worksheets and checklists. And I think you also have some resources on your website that people can download. I’m curious, what steps can people take if they feel overwhelmed by all of the work and time that it might take to go through those worksheets?
Loverde: So, you’re so right. The reason people don’t plan is they’re overwhelmed and they just say, “I’m not going to do this. I can’t. I don’t know where to start.” So, one of the things that I suggest is people would open the table of contents to either one of the books. Just open the table of contents and look through what you’re in the mood for in the moment. And then go to that chapter and just do one thing. That’s it. One thing. Put the book away. Accomplish one thing. Keep in mind how good it feels to get one thing done. And then when you’re ready, do it again. And pick one thing you’re willing to do, like maybe cleaning out a closet. Just one thing that will lighten your load. And after a while, you would get in the habit of, “I like the way I felt when I cleaned out the closet. Maybe I’m willing to do another one.”
Arnott: So, kind of getting some small wins and building momentum.
Loverde: That’s it. And if you’re so inclined, you might also talk to your friends and tell them how you feel. Say, “I’m having a hard time. I know I should do this. How about you guys?” And see if you can help each other.
Benz: That’s a good idea. So, all three of us live in the Chicago area. I’m curious, Joy, what are some of your favorite restaurants or activities in Chicago?
Loverde: Well, I’m a fanatic Cub fan. So, I’m at Wrigley.
Benz: Same.
Loverde: Bleachers, though.
Benz: Oh, bleachers. OK.
Loverde: Oh, yeah. Well, actually my husband and I got married at Wrigley Field. That’s how crazy we are.
Benz: Oh, wow.
Loverde: So, yeah, we are Cubs fans.
Where do I even begin with the wonderful, incredible city that we live in? The kayaking on the Chicago River, though, walking through the neighborhoods and seeing all the Halloween decorations this time of year. You know, something else that people don’t realize that we have. And I hope that I open a door to this one is we have one of the most incredible area agencies on aging for our senior population. And it’s located in the Renaissance Center downtown in the old library on Michigan Avenue. And the amount of things that they do there is off the charts. There are so many things to do. So, I encourage everybody to go check out the Renaissance Center, including, we have 12 fitness centers all across the city. So, we live in an incredible city.
Arnott: Yeah, I wasn’t even aware of that facility in the Renaissance Center. I’ll have to have to check that out.
Loverde: Yeah, good.
Arnott: Well, thank you so much, Joy, for joining us. It was great talking with you. And you’ve given us both a lot of great ideas to think about as we’re thinking about aging.
Loverde: I’m so glad and thank you for inviting me to have this conversation. I really appreciate it.
Benz: Thank you so much, Joy.
Loverde: Take care.
Arnott: Thank you for joining us on The Long View. If you could, please take a moment to subscribe to and rate the podcast on Apple, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts.
You can follow me on social media at Amy Arnott on LinkedIn.
Benz: And @Christine_Benz on X or at Christine Benz on LinkedIn.
Arnott: George Castady is our engineer for the podcast and Kari Greczek produces the show notes each week.
Finally, we’d love to get your feedback. If you have a comment or a guest idea, please email us at TheLongView@Morningstar.com. Until next time, thanks for joining us.
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